Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
