My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
