DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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