3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
