oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
