i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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