I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
