like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
