You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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