His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
