I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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