Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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