Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize