help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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