if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
