They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
