What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
