i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
