Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
