I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
You smell like stripper and shame
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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