so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
