This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
