): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
