did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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