I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
