Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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