Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
