I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
