I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
