My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize