Fine. I'll sleep in my office
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
