omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
