All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
