so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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