I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
