don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
