2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Swine flu. Run for my life!
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
