let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
