how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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