Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
