i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
