david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
