I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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