It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
