the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
