Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
