that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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