Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize