She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Randomize
