I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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