He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
