You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
