They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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