Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
