You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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