Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
