Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
