If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
