I didn't shave. On purpose
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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