oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
