At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
