i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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