I smell stomach acid.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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