No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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