I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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