omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
We named our party play list daddy issues
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Randomize
