I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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