I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Randomize
