You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
where am i from again
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
They are going to name an STD after you.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize