did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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