I accidentally burped into my bong.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
