Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
