I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
