ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
