OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
