yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
