listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
sex in a hospital.. check
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
