Will you blow on my dice?
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
the condom got lost in my hair
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize