i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
